I live north of Phoenix in the desert outside an old mining and cowboy town called Cave Creek which is famous for its Chili Beer – yes, a bottle of amber beer with a real hot chili pepper in it with a slogan that says “Lime is for Wimps!”

Anyway, living in the desert, we have plenty of desert wildlife around us including a fair number of snakes, many of which are poisonous rattlesnakes. I have encountered quite a few over the years but, fortunately, have never been bitten. More frequently, it is not humans but dogs that get bitten so it is quite common to have your dogs “snake proofed” out here. So, when we got a dog a couple of years ago, we were strongly advised to get it snake proofed at a local ranch.

We showed up with about 30 other dogs and their owners and observed this fascinating procedure. A cage with about four rattlesnakes inside was placed in the middle of an open space. The organizer in charge then placed a shock collar on the first dog and instructed the dog’s owner to attach a leash to the collar and casually walk the dog over to the cage of snakes. As soon as the dog was next to the cage and got a big whiff of those snakes, the organizer shocked the dog which yelped and ran away pulling the owner along. The owner then allowed the dog 30 seconds to recover and then started to walk back to the cage. As soon as dog was in sniffing distance of the snakes, it bolted dragging the owner headlong in the opposite direction. Obviously, the dog had learned to associate the smell of a rattlesnake with pain and was not going near one again.

Each dog went through the same routine and all instantly learned. Of course, for our dog, my wife and daughter refused to take her when they knew she was going to be shocked, so I got to do the honors. When the shock was applied, she not only yelped louder than the sound barrier (she was a real drama queen) but she jumped in the air and almost pulled my arm out of its joint socket!

However, this was only part 1 of the snake proofing. Part 2 was to come back a month later and test again, except this time the rattlesnakes were hidden under a turned over wheelbarrow. The first dog and its owner went straight up to the wheelbarrow and the dog just kept sniffing until the organizer had to shock the dog for it to remember again.
The next five dogs did exactly the same thing. The sixth dog was ours and my daughter was pleading with me not to take her, but I did. As she got to about 10 feet away from the wheelbarrow, she got a good whiff of those rattlesnakes and she took off dragging me behind. Everyone cheered and I had a new found respect for our dog who I now considered to be a very intelligent drama queen!

In the world of Business Intelligence, I see companies big and small try to implement business intelligence analysis and dashboard tools directly against their production data sources. Without understanding the structure or state of their data, this is equivalent to sticking their noses into a cage of rattlesnakes. They invariably get a sharp shock; usually applied from upper management for degrading the performance of the production systems in addition to producing incorrect results.

The lesson is painful and appears to have been learned. Some go back and seek advice and start to learn about the wisdom and value of data marts, data quality and data cleansing while others go chase the salesperson who sold them the BI tools and try to bite their legs off.

However, the one thing you would expect them all to have learned is not to do it again. But, unfortunately, just like some of those dogs, one shock does not appear to be enough because many of them do go back, do it again and, sadly, get shocked again.

I suppose the one consolation is that the I.T. Managers responsible do not actually have to wear shock collars, but we would not want to give upper management any ideas now – would we?

A few months ago, my two youngest kids received this Rock Band game for Xbox 360 from their aunt. It came with a drum kit, guitar and microphone and basically lets you play and sing along to famous songs by famous rock bands. It also allows you to create your own rock star characters which you can see prancing around the stage to a wild crowd of fans while you are belting out David Bowie’s “Suffragette City” or laying down some mean riffs from Deep Purple’s “Highway Star.” 

Of course, both my kids are really good at it, but their greatest enjoyment is getting their Dad to participate. They literally roll on the floor in hysterical laughter as I sing (sorry, attempt to sing) “I think I’m Paranoid” by Garbage. When my mother-in-law visited a few weeks back, they insisted I sang “Black Hole Sun” while they accompanied me on guitar and drums.  Apparently, she still cannot tell anyone about it without tears of laughter running down her face!

I think many of us have dreamed of being a Rock Star at some point in our lives and, if not a Rock Star, then some other type of Superstar. Unfortunately, only a few people ever “make it,” and the rest of us are left to dream and play Rock Band. However, I believe that desire to be a Superstar lies just under the surface in most of us, and we are always looking for an opportunity to shine and be famous even in our day-to-day “non Rock Star” jobs. I saw some of these unexpected Superstars at the recent IBIS 2008 conference in Lake Las Vegas receiving awards (very similar to the Grammy Awards!) for their amazing integrated Business Intelligence Dashboard solutions. Banner Health Systems won the Most Valuable Dashboard award for a sensational solution that allows monitoring of Glucose levels in patients and is being rolled out to over 4,000 health care professionals at multiple hospital locations. What makes this solution, and the team that created it, so incredible is the ingenious integration of multiple Business Intelligence technologies and tools to provide an application that will literally help to save people’s lives.

The intricate work using the BusinessObjects Data Integrator ETL tool to extract, transform and load all the necessary patient and clinical data into the Data Mart every 24 hours was a milestone accomplishment. Then there is the Xcelsius dashboard that allows clinicians to intuitively and interactively check the overall Glucose initiative compliance ratings at different facilities.  This, then, can trigger Web Intelligence drill down reports to look at the values by individual nursing unit, and even individual patient, and then monitor the trend in that patient over 24, 48 and 72 hours. But the coolest piece of all is the InfoBurst-XDS report and dashboard management tool that automatically refreshes the Xcelsius dashboard from a Web Intelligence report and creates data ranges in cache that allow this application to be used by thousands of people with excellent response times. So “hats off” to this remarkable team of people at Banner who are definitely Superstars in my book. All I can say is “You rock!”

A few weeks ago, I was on vacation in Southern California and decided to take my two teenage kids to Six Flags, Magic Mountain. Now this is definitely a place for those who like wild rides. After getting soaked on a log ride, my wife and I found ourselves being led to a monster construction called “Goliath”. This 26 story high roller coaster is considered an “Extreme” category ride that at one point plunges at a 60 degree angle, reaching a speed of 85 mph, into a dark tunnel. Definitely not a ride for the squeamish or for sensible Business Intelligence consultants!

I sat next to my wife, tightly locked in with shoulder protectors and wondered what would happen next. Just as we climbed to the top of the 26 story peak, my wife started screaming hysterically. I turned to her just at the point that we started to plunge. As I turned back to look down, we disappeared into a dark tunnel. When we emerged, my wife started screaming again and, sure enough, a second later we were looping upside down. This pattern continued throughout the ride and when we finally stopped, I turned to my wife to see her rigidly gripping her shoulder handles and looking as though she had seen a ghost! It took a little while to pry her loose from her seat and she was shaking for a good two minutes afterwards.  

While my wife certainly got her money’s worth out of Goliath, it also got me thinking about the state of the economy and Business Intelligence right now. I know, you must think I have a weirdly wired brain, but sometimes I honestly cannot control what comes into my head! So, here we are in this strange economy where one day we are diving into a recession and the next day we are emerging from a recession that never really was a recession. While the financial experts drive us crazy with their inconsistent predictions, businesses are desperately trying to adjust to both the current and future economic climate. The result is not that different to a ride on the Goliath roller coaster.

If we look too far ahead based on the predictions of the experts, we start screaming and panicking before anything has happened, just like my wife. If we base our business decisions and adjustments on solid fact then we can ride the ups and downs and twists on what we are actually experiencing. Business Intelligence takes on a whole new significance in a downward economic situation. It is more important than ever to have accurate analysis of current and historical data and a single view of the truth so that you can make informed decisions before deciding which path to take.

One example that jumps to mind is the major US airlines needing to increase passenger revenue, eliminate certain routes, ground inefficient planes all to cope with the unprecedented increase in fuel costs. A good Business Intelligence solution will help make the best decision that will impact the airline the least. Better still, it will monitor, measure and make further recommended adjustments based on the results as the new actions are put in place. I can only recommend that all businesses look to use Business Intelligence to help them ride out this current roller coaster economy and if you are still not convinced, then just take a ride on Goliath with a screamer!

I love going car shopping with my wife. It is so entertaining to watch her completely confound one car salesperson after another with her simple approach to selecting the vehicle that she wants.

To my wife, a car is a piece of metal, on four wheels, that gets you from point A to point B. This, of course, is sacrilege to all car lovers and completely baffling to most car salespeople. 

So, a few months ago, we were in a Mazda dealership, looking at SUV’s, and an eager salesperson pounced on us and immediately directed his questioning to me. I politely directed him to my wife, since she was the one buying the vehicle, and the fun began. 

“I want a vehicle with four wheels that gets me from point A to point B and is good on gas,” she said.

“Well, madam, all our vehicles have four wheels. What features are you looking for and what is your price range?”, he responded. 

Wrong answer. It was my wife’s turn to pounce now. 

“I told you, I want a vehicle that’s good on gas and why are you asking me how much I want to spend before you have even shown me anything? I want to spend as little as possible. What kind of a salesperson are you?” She retorted. 

The sales guy was stunned. He started to turn red and was completely lost for words. He finally blurted out, “Excuse me a moment,” and went scurrying off and returned a minute later with another sales person who he said was better able to handle my wife’s request. 

The new sales guy took a different approach. He asked her what she was currently driving and, when she said an SUV, immediately started to show her their newest SUV’s. He attempted to show her all the new features and functions like the keyless ignition which did not work. When she asked him about the gas consumption, he proudly told her 18 miles per gallon on the highway and 15 in town. She then turned to me and said: 

“They’re not listening to me, are they?”

I had to agree, so we left and headed off to a Honda dealership where the sales person not only listened, but understood what my wife wanted, and a few hours later she was the proud owner of a Honda Fit that boasted an impressive 38 miles per gallon. 

Many companies have expressed to me that their Business Intelligence software purchases have a lot of similarities to buying a car. They express frustration that the BI sales person tries to sell them more than they need and does not listen to them or properly understand the issue they are trying to address. 

Today, the majority of businesses are trying to get the best mileage possible out of their business intelligence software. That means the key functionality at the best possible price. And that price does not just mean the software; it also includes the services, education and on-going maintenance. The extra bells and whistles might look impressive in a demonstration (when they work), but most corporations are just looking for “four wheels that get them from point A to point B!” 

I attended a demonstration, by a BI software vendor, recently to a large transportation company who owned some old BI software from another vendor that they had not been able to put to a lot of use. The demonstration was very impressive with dashboards and complex reports with drill down functionality. After nearly 3 hours of presentations and demonstrations of a truck load of features and functions, the analysts and managers in the room filled out their evaluations and handed them to the CIO. Later the CIO told me that they would be selecting another vendor who had shown a lot less in terms of functionality and was about 25% of the price. Most of the evaluations had said that the software from the first vendor that pitched for 3 hours looked too complex to use and had too many features and all they wanted to do was basic ad-hoc reporting and query analysis. 

Companies just want that basic BI software that will give them the best mileage for the best price. I think that more BI software vendors are finally waking up to this reality and have started selling smaller packages that offer a lot more “bang for the buck”. The initial results of this are that although companies are spending less on BI software than they were a few years ago, there are more of them buying.

As we see $4 a gallon at the gas pump, we are all thinking about vehicles that give better mileage, along with trying to make sure our car trips are cost justifiable. In today’s tight business economy, companies are also looking to do the same with their BI software. 

My wife is available, for a reasonable fee, to apply her vehicle purchasing talents to assist you in your next BI software purchase!

People often ask me how I manage to keep on top of everything when I travel so much. Part of the answer is that I get a lot of work done on planes and, in the case of this recent trip to Europe, trains. So, on a 10.5 hour flight back from London to Phoenix, with an hour delay on the ground, I catch up with a lot of e-mail and manage to work on my “Introduction to Business Intelligence Seminar” that I will be delivering in Canada in three days time. I did watch one TV British comedy show about a group of middle class, suburban housewives who take settling scores to extremes. In this episode, they start a Fight Club to settle a few of their disputes with each other. Thirty minutes of “light entertainment” and back to thumping away on my keyboard (I’m a “two-fingered hammer” typist). The guy next to me wants to sleep and decides to move seats, as he can see I’m never going to stop.

After 8 days of rain and cold, it’s good to be back in the heat of Phoenix, Arizona.

The last day of a very gruesome schedule of planes, trains, trams, and automobiles. I take the London Underground into the City area. After letting two trains go by, because you could not fit a single person more into the crammed carriages, I allow myself to be literally carried between half-a-dozen other people on to the third train. There’s something coldly intimate and uniquely British about being sandwiched between strangers of all shapes and sizes without ever looking them in the eye or saying a word. As much as you want to move your head away from that person’s neck, when the only other choices are turning it into someone’s face or sweaty armpit, you just show that British “stiff upper lip” as it is known and “grin and bear it!”

The customer meeting is quite interesting with two key IT people from an insurance company. After an impromptu demonstration of some BI publishing functionality, one of the guys just can’t wait to start using it and the other is the complete opposite and unsure about introducing anything new in their current BI environment. It is understandable that many people are skeptical about new software, because the sheer complexity of most server and software environments today make them prone to problems and instability. Added to the fact that there are usually multiple different vendors involved, who rarely will take responsibility for their software not working with someone else’s, is enough to make even that British “stiff upper lip” quiver a little. 

I assure the customer that we and our U.K. partner will take responsibility for any issues that occur involving our software, even if they are not an actual failure in our software, and we will provide references. It helps. I finish the day with a large helping of traditional, English “Fish and Chips” with a beer.

I love the German language, because the words are so different and neat to say. There is this great feeling of schoolboy daring, combined with a vocal accomplishment when you speak them out load. The train stations, at both Cologne and Dusseldorf, provided ample fodder for practicing my linguistic fetish: “Ausfahrt” is an exit, “Abfahrt” is departure, “Hauptbanhoff” is the central railway station, and my favorite was, “Wagenstandanzeiger,” which is the little map of the carriages of the train, so you know the right place to stand on the platform to get on the right carriage.

My first meeting is straight off the train and runs from 10:00pm to midnight, but my time clocks are so messed up that it doesn’t really matter.

In general, the Germans are great workers. They are industrious and take their work seriously.

I met with a major telecommunications company in Dusseldorf to discuss their Business Intelligence deployment. I was impressed how they presented in both great detail and clarity what their implementation looked like. I was even more impressed by their suggestions and ideas to improve the environment by enhancing the functionality of the software they were using.

I left the meeting with a list of ideas and innovations that I will definitely follow up with when I return.

After that, I made a quick “Abfahrt” through the “Ausfahrt” and headed to the “Hauptbanhoff” where I studied the “Wagenstandanzeiger” before boarding the train!

Belgium is well known for its chocolate and its beer which happen to be two of my favorite things. It is also famous for its mussels which I crave with a passion too. Well, I was fortunate enough to savor all three of these heavenly delights during my one day in Brussels. It rained, it was cold and windy and the elevator at the hotel broke down but I was happy because I had mussels in Brussels and you can’t beat that!



I also visited a large bank that uses BusinessObjects for their business intelligence reporting. They were several months in to a project to migrate to the current release of the BusinessObjects software. They were interested in distribution and publishing options and I obliged by demonstrating a whole host of functionality that they were both surprised and pleased to see. It seems to be more common in Europe for companies to develop their own customizations and add-on functionality to business intelligence software. Ironically this often leads to much greater costs in developing, maintaining and migrating these in-house creations.

Add-on software that is well known in North America is often unknown in Europe but that is beginning to change. Many European companies are warming up to the benefits of add-on solutions for their business intelligence deployments and starting to come out of their shells - just like the mussels!

As well as the risk of being run down by crazy drivers in Paris, there are now thousands of French people too crazy to be allowed behind the wheel of a car, who have been let loose on bicycles.  To both help the environment and reduce the population, the Parisian government introduced public bicycles with thousands of racks of them scattered across the city. They also created these cleverly disguised bicycle paths along the public pedestrian areas. For only 5 Euros a day you can rent one of these “death machines” and go merrily bolting down these paths knocking over and whacking bewildered pedestrians right, left and center. It’s so popular you cannot find a spare bicycle on most racks and injury by “bicyclette” is now more likely to shorten your life than smoking which has been banned from all French cafés, bars and restaurants. Of course, the die-hard French smokers are resorting to smoking outside and invariably they wander onto a bicycle path and “Voila! Zee bicyclette hits zee smoker who swallows zee cigarette and dies of zee heart burn!” And nobody gets sued because the cigarette pack has a big bold warning saying “Smoking Kills”. The ingenuity of the French never ceases to amaze me!  

Of course, it is also this ingenuity that has placed France as one of the leading innovators of Business Intelligence software. BusinessObjects was born in France and was light years ahead of any other decision support solution of its day.  The latest French BI software gem is a product called 360View that provides a powerful security management tool for BO XI. It has this fabulous user interface with dynamic graphical matrices so you can see at a glance who has access to what in your BO environment. It is a godsend for the BO security administrator and will alleviate a lot of frustration and stress. It might even prolong his or her life providing they are not killed by a crazy bicyclette!

A day off! This is a rare occurrence for a Business Intelligence road warrior, so I went to visit my eldest son who works at a ski resort in the French Alps. He managed to convince me to try out skiing for the second time in my life. I shall not mention the first time except to say that I ruined the ski instructor’s perfect record of never giving up on a student.

If man was meant to ski, he would have evolved feet that were 1.5 meters long with smooth flat bottoms. I perfected falling, but could not master getting up with these gigantic fiberglass moon boots and 2 huge planks locked on my feet. I told the French ski instructor that he would require great patience with me and he said that he was a master of patience, but about one hour into the class, as he helped me up for the umpteenth time, I got wacked across the face, by one of his ski poles, and I caught the glimmer of a satisfied smile on his face!

The instructor also turned out to be an expert on electromagnetic fields, emitted by cell phones, and hinted that the overuse of my mobile could have destroyed vital brain cells that I needed to learn to ski properly! Maybe I should consider this when promoting mobile Business Intelligence?

After just 1.5 hours of beginner ski lessons, I was heading down a slope that I did not realize was part of a 2 mile run descending quite rapidly in parts. After several spectacular crashes, I removed my skis permanently and went back to the chalet to lick my wounds.